Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him.

~1 John 3:21–22 (ESV)

There are many stories of Black Christian Women who become involved with men who are not God’s best for them. I have had quite a few myself. This is not to say that there are any “perfect” men or “perfect” relationships, but that should not stop us from expecting God’s best.

Sometimes we confuse God’s best with his material or financial blessings. That is where we often get caught up before we have taken the time to use the discernment of the Holy Spirit. We swoon over hard bodies or soft colored eyes. We are swept off of our feet by someone with the financial ability to buy us things we have never had before. We become bound by soul ties created in heated sexual encounters that occur outside of the bonds of traditional marriage. Although all of the things mentioned above can make a good relationship better, they are not the things we should use to make our final decision about who we will marry or who is eligible to be in a relationship.

So where do we find God’s best? Go to God! When we skip that vital step, we eventually find ourselves overcome by all manner of confusion and conflict. We end up in relationships that are abusive and we end up being neglected. We settle when we have become entangled, for many reasons, but I will only discuss a few of those reasons here.

The major mistake we make when choosing to enter a relationship is just that, WE choose instead of allowing God to choose for us. There are many who will tell me that the bad relationships or marriages they are involved in are what God had chosen for them. The more likely truth of the matter is that this relationship is what they have chosen for themselves and God “allowed” them to become involved. God wants to give us what He knows is best for us, but sometimes He allows us to have what we want. This is not because He wants to punish us or to see us suffer. It is only because God will never override our will. Read about the Children of Israel in the desert when they tired of eating Manna and God sent them meat.

While the meat was yet between their teeth, before it was consumed, the anger of the LORD was kindled against the people, and the LORD struck down the people with a very great plague.
~Numbers 11:33 (ESV)

There are many examples of bad relationships revealed in the Bible. My favorite is in the book of Hosea. Hosea was a Prophet who God instructed to marry a prostitute. Unlike most bad marriages that were created out of the will of man, Hosea’s bad marriage was ordained by God! However, God had a purpose in this marriage. He wanted to use it to show how His people had begun to behave like prostitutes and how He had taken them back, again and again, even though they had turned their back on Him and begun to chase after other things.

She shall pursue her lovers
but not overtake them,
and she shall seek them
but shall not find them.
Then she shall say,
‘I will go and return to my first husband,
for it was better for me then than now.’
~Hosea 2:7 (ESV)

Now, I know that there are some who will take this out of context to justify their bad choice in a mate, but let me make myself clear. Hosea’s prostitute wife was chosen by God! Although I believe Hosea loved Gomer, she was not the woman that he chose for himself. I repeat, God chose Gomer, Hosea married her out of obedience to God! Very few women have the “calling” to stay with a man who cheats on them. The rest stay for other reasons (which we will discuss in detail on another day).

The dark side of the bad choices made by Black Christian Women is founded in disobedience. This may sound harsh. In fact, if you are in a bad marriage or a bad relationship, it is very likely due to the fact that you have NOT been obedient to the will of God or to the call of God on your life! It is not my intention to offend you, but the Bible says that the truth will set you free!

Some have what I would say is a “Hosea anointing”. However, that is VERY rare. Most women stay in bad relationships for other reasons. Sometimes we stay for financial security. Some stay because the sex is phenomenal. Others stay because they have children and they have come to believe that any daddy is better than no daddy (another lie from the pit of hell).

If you are one of these, be encouraged! God is not done with you yet! Just like God sent Hosea to pursue Gomer, He is pursuing you!

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.
And there I will give her her vineyards
and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth,
as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.
~Hosea 2:14–15 (ESV)

I’ll leave you to chew on this for a while. As you do, I ask that you would pray about it and, if necessary, ask God for forgiveness for your disobedience. Next time, I’ll continue on the topic of settling for less than God’s best with a look at the Black Christian Woman’s overemphasized and generational obligation to protect Black men from themselves and others.

~walkininthespirit
© 9/18/2015